I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
