you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
