my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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