if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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