so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
