he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
