Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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