I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
