I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
