There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
