Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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