oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize