Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
