when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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