I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
