you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
