covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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