tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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