Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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