I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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