community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
