I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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