I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
