too bad you live with your parents still
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
