Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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