Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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