I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
