im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
