You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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