its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
