Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
