i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
