The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
