NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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