We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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