I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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