She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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