You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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