You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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