this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
