Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think I died a long time ago.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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