if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
