This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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