Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
