with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
