if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
