Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize