final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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