P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
