My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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