Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
