I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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