Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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