ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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