True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
