I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize