We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
