After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
