remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
