Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so explain again why im purple
no
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
