She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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