MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
