so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
