i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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