just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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