It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
