remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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