"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
